The day WE became the Parents

After a long day of canceled flights and a hectic work schedule, I finally arrived in New Orleans, Louisiana for the 2014 DAD2.0 summit.  This was a tiresome journey, but I was excited to have made the trip despite my heart wanting to be back in New York City (NYC) with my family, knowing my great uncle was dying. I was told by everyone to go to New Orleans (NOLA) and enjoy my time with the fathers of the NYCDadsGroup. As much as I wanted to be with my family, I knew there was nothing more I could do back home. Upon my arrival and by persistence, my wife informed me of the inevitable, Unk had passed away. This was expected, but I thought there may have been a chance it would be a few more days away…but that was out of our hands.

Over the next few days, I went on with life as planned.  I attended Dad2.0 and enjoyed myself.  I had the opportunity to hear many great speakers and met an amazing group of fathers.  On Sunday, I was able to get the first direct flight back to NYC to join my family at the wake for Unk. A wake is a wake; it was a time of sharing and remembering. This particular death was also the end of a generation in our family.  Unk was the last of three Schliessman bothers to pass away. My grandfather was the middle brother, passing away 14 years and one day prior to Unk. My other great uncle Roger, the older brother, passed away seven years and three weeks prior. (Yes, I have a crazy thing for remembering dates and events!) 

It was not until I was sitting at lunch, after Unk’s funeral, that it hit me.  It was then that I realized that “We” (my sister, cousins, and I) are now “The Parents” of this family. Until now, my parents had been “the parents” and although my grandparents have both passed away, we still had Unk (my great uncle) as the senior generation.  During dinner, my cousins and I had been joking about how our parents were all sitting together on one end of the table and we had been together on the other side. My daughter was sitting at the head of the table looking down towards my parents and it clicked. “We” are now “the parents” of the family and my parents are now the “senior generation”. The unspoken baton was now passed: Freaky? Scary? Did this really just happen?  Don’t get me wrong, I have been a parent from the moment I found out Jen was pregnant, but I always felt like a child within the family structure.  It was now that it became a reality.  My sister, cousins, and I are now the middle generation. 

This may not mean much to some, but in a family where Sunday afternoon lunch was a constant, monthly family dinners & yearly vacations are the norm; this was a turning point.  Maybe it hit me more because I am the oldest “Grand Child” or the first one to have a child, but on February 3^rd 2014, I became a member of “the Parents”.  I expect to not be at the kiddy table at our next family dinner.      

Forced Vacation

Recently I found myself home on a “forced vacation” ...if you wish to call it that. I was in between jobs and taking care of my little Bay-boo (2yr old daughter) full time. These few weeks really helped me and my wife put things into perspective. Although my mind was occupied with job searching, I often took a step back and lived in the moment. I truly know that I am blessed and taken care of by God. No amount of worry was going to change the place I found myself, so I had to let go and live life as it was.

I have been a very hands-on father since before my daughter was born. When my wife went back to work, I took two weeks off to help her ease back into her routine and adjust to her new title as “working mom”. It was during those two weeks that I fell in love with fatherhood and wanted to be a full time Stay At Home Dad (SAHD). I enjoyed being a SAHD and knew I wanted to make changes in my career that would allow for a better work/life balance. When I returned to work, I made it a point to take advantage of my company’s workplace agility program which allowed me to work from home a few days a week giving me more time with my then 4 month old daughter. It was at that point that I started my search for activities for us to do together. My searches lead me to the NYC Dads Group which opened the doors to many activities across the city at all different times of the day, on almost any day of the week. I was able to complete my work and schedule meet-ups that fit our schedule. This group of dads was a life saver for me. We, as a family, had gotten into a great groove and to a happy point.

Fast forward a year. I was back in the office daily working on a transition project with less and less time being able to be as involved as I would have liked to have been. This lead to more creative ways for me to find time with my daughter, i.e. weekend Gymboree classes, family walks through the park, etc. Ultimately, my task for work was completed and I ended up in present day on this work hiatus. What was I to do? Where was I going to go? My wife and I both knew we would be okay, but I was now a full time stay at home dad, my dream job, wasn’t it?

There had been much talk over the past few months about “Lean In” by Sheryl Sandberg and I was starting to get it. I was now the SAHD I always wanted to be. I needed to take this opportunity to really lean into my family. I started to take those steps back and live in the moment. I had fun counting the steps as I claimed them with my daughter at the mall. I didn’t lose my patience as easily; I was grounded in the present. I looked for teachable moments in all areas of our daily life. As people around us had been panicking and worrying, the two of us stopped and smelled the roses. We leaned on each other and parented together, despite the change in roles. I am not going to lie and say I didn’t have a care in the world, however, I knew that things would turn out alright and I got to have an amazing few weeks of one-on-one time with my daughter.

Ultimately, the perfect job opportunity was presented to me and I took it. This new position takes me away from home more than my last position did, but it allows me the ability to, once again, work from home at will. I have taken full advantage of this ability once again and enjoy my “Wash Wednesdays” and “Daddy and Tina Fun Fridays”.

If you take nothing else from my experience, learn to step back and see the teachable moments with your children. Count the steps, call out the colors of passing cars, and enjoy the present. 

Son, Husband, Father & Blogger, Really?

I have been a guest blogger for the NYC Dads Group (NYCDadsGroup) for over a year now.  Although I have not posted many blogs, I have enjoyed contributing to the group’s blog when I have time.  If you where to ask me two years ago if I would have consider participating in a blog or having my own I would have told you that you’re crazy but sure enough here we are.  I have always toyed around with the idea of posting my own blog and with the increase of dad bloggers in my circle of friends I decided why not give it a shot. Shout out to Lorne Jaffe: Raising Sienna, Sat & Monica Sharma: Mom Said, Dad Said and Jason Greene: One Good Dad.  Thanks guys for leading the way and having a positive influence. So here it goes. . .Let’s see where this new adventure will take me.